Christmas for a Eunuch (2003.12.28)
Kei, Emily, and I visit Zack's family for Christmas Eve, but end up hiding in a corner and hording food. My father walks out on Christmas morning. Keilaina is reminded of a kiss.

Strumma-Strum-Strum (2003.12.20)
Zack shows me where he might have lived and drops a hint that leads to me talking to Jen. Zack, in turn, is comforted that he is at least better than a woman who rewrites "The Little Drummer Boy."

Feliz Navidad (2003.12.13)
Flynn and I both celebrate being born, the former by eating tacos and driving to the latter. The latter by eating pizza and wandering around in the cold. In the midst of this, we may have met Conor and Flynn's girlfriends (no thanks to Dick Cheney).

Playing Frankenstein (2003.12.01)
I write, as I must and always will. Emily, Kei, Zack, and I cuddle to keep the thunder away and simulate lightning. Zack is uncommonly rare, very unique, peripatetic, poetic and chic. Kate exits stage left, bowing out for Sarah (perhaps).

Awesome Macho Joanie (2003.11.19)
Xen sees Anne Marie once more, but that's it. Emily gets her knee cut open by a macho bear. Xen decides he might actually have the ability to teach.

The Risk It Took to Blossom (2003.11.09)
Xen and Anne Marie go up a mountain strangers and come down... stranger.

Bedizen (2003.11.02)
Dave check out his internet date's ass and we all really live. Halloween comes and goes, leaving a pile of generic chocolate chews in its wake. Pagans are off-putting, but I try to befriend one anyway.

Angel Ground (2003.10.29)
Corinne weeps and hurts, but is rebuilding. Pomegranates and priestesses appear as omens. Xen, Zack, Kei and M have a sleepover and bond.

Birthing the Dwark (2003.10.13)
Xen gambles on being properly understood in this climate, but plays his hand wrong. Emily is forgiving and we name our mutant daughter.

Far From Loving In Las Vegas (2003.10.10)
Emily and I go to the heart of sin city itself and bear a deformed daughter and a lack of slot winnings.

On Our Knees (2003.10.08)
Emily reinjures her knee, meaning she cannot compete in team trials. Dan and Corinne break up and I don't know where to stand.

The Dark Art of Homemaking (2003.09.15)
Emily moves into a room that Xen mostly rebuilt, at the expense of his credit card and Zack's lungs. Keilaina returns.

Tripping On A Hole In A Paper Heart (2003.09.03)
Zack, Conor, and Xen unite to share holy moments and discussions of love. The latter is incidental, but implicit. Marina and Conor break up.

The Dogs of August (2003.08.30)
Autumn intrudes. I lose sleep over my potential career path and my teachers harbor space aliens. Zack opens the world map and tells me he is uncertain about The Betsy. Emily creates an imaginary friend for me.

Doorways and Hallways (2003.08.20)
Bryan moves out, leaving a vaccuum to be filled. And a vaccuum will most certainly be required. We meet The Betsy borg. Xen leaves a party because of addictions and fear. Xen works his mojo, finds his mantra, and memorializes Tina's mom.

Knot Tied (2003.08.19)
Anne and Jerame get hitched and Xen gets jealous.

Blacking Out (2003.08.16)
My family goes on vacation. Emily gets confidence about my family. I get throttled. There is almost - but not quite - a balance to this.

Firebugs and Felons (2003.07.21)
What would happen if you threw a party and no one came? Fake ending the party until the situation changes.

Leaving the Bosomtine Empire (2003.07.09)
Emily places at Nationals and thus goes on to Olympic trials in Las Vegas. Bearmosets are procured, though no one gets epoxied. Morita behaves like a total ass and Macchio admires him all the more. Emily and I get bumped. Twice. Everything breaks down to four.

Fasting For Fighting (2003.07.02)
Emily makes weight and can compete. I am thought a lesbian and dine with an old woman. Macchio makes me hate Republicans, teenagers, and men.

Slouching Toward Knoxville (2003.07.01)
Emily and I attend her cousin's wedding, a monkey holds my hand, and Emily's parents are irked because I iron only when necessary. We plan a life in Lake George before flying to Knoxville and starving.

Flight of the Guttersnipe (2003.06.27)
I wonder at the propriety of taking me to a wedding and confront a fear of flight. Conor adores a wolf girl and makes sextuple chocolate brownies.

Married to God and Man (2003.06.21)
Emily and I attend a wedding and I fondle a Santerian priestess's underage daughter.

The Cave (2003.06.09)
I am interrogated by a nun to get into grad school.

Blanking (2003.05.30)
I graduate from New Paltz at long last, but suffer the wrath of the passive-aggressive pedagogue once more. Impropriety sours plans.

She Lets the River Answer (2003.05.12)
My play bombs, but from a lack of anything explosive. A perfect day is had in my head and in my heart.

One Part (2003.05.08)
The art of losing isn't hard for a Masters. So many things seem filled with my resent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose this thing every day. Accept the fluster of lost New Paltz, the years badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard for a Masters. I practiced losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was I meant to travel. None of these will bring a Masters. We lost Zack's old loves. And look! his last, or next-to-last, of three loved girlfriends came. The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Goldilocks and the Three (2003.04.18)
Losing to Zack brings about an epiphany. No picnic is had, though the city is seen. And, despite a desqueaking, Goldilocks lived happily ever after with Cap'n Hook, Buster Keaton, and Jackie Chan.

The Fool (2003.04.13)
I try to release a great deal of stress in writing because life is closing in. However, I abscond with Conor and he frightens life away with his staff. The Ring 0.0 scares Emily into needing to be escorted to the bathroom.

Bizarro! I Love You! Bizarro! (2003.03.29)
I overwhelmingly appreciate Emily and Zack. We eat Chinese food, discuss superheroes, go to a huge mall, have simulated sex with pack animals, deal with yuppie carnies, eat rosemary bread, and don't give a rat's ass about The Ring 2.0.

Evoking Mars (2003.03.20)
An evil shrub supported by an extreme minority decides that the world needs a war. Emily and I disagree and try to work our mojo. I believe Revelations says it better than I could.

In Your Dreams (2003.03.10)
Emily and I grow annoyed with the overloud dead. Kate and I spend some times together musing over dreams and relationships, though perhaps not in the same manner.

Plot Yips After Us (2003.02.27)
I try to eat a gazelle, but end up with a duck. M feels the sting of rejection. We see a bad concert. M's nocturnal telekinesis is back. Zack and M quit. I walk with Hemingway (in my dreams).

The Stars Are Not Wanted Now (2003.02.15)
I spend the day in an emotional agony only to discover that I was feeling what Emily could not. Our world suffers a tragedy.

Wont to Be Overdramatic (2003.02.09)
I detest a writing class, which is clearly some abomination of nature. Emily and I walk through a winter wonderland with Stevehen, though I am sure my Pancakes of Eternity would solve everything. Kate and I put the hatchet to rest at last.

Don't Compare My Heart (2003.01.29)
Emily and I go to one of Elza's shows, though I fear she has forgotten who I am. She impresses me yet again. I wish that I spoke a secret tongue.

Alter the Spicy (2003.01.26)
Emily, Dave, and I sail down mountains and fear the pull of blind blondes. Do not worry, we can alter the spicy. My brother's birthday causes great dancing.

Tea For Remembrance (2003.01.22)
James Lipton evidently reads this journal or actually remembered Emily on his own. I return to college and openly defy two professors before I sit down. It'll be a good semester. Emily and I suffer exsanguinations and are damned to walk the earth for all eternity playing camp games while wearing tight pants.

To Prepare a Face (2003.01.16)
James Lipton had forgotten M, though was still impressed. Kippur meets her maker. Emily returns to the land of Nod and to my arms, though she is screwed out of her part in the play.

Sweeps Week (2003.01.07)
Conor is visited upon us all. In a fashion unlike Salome, girls dance. Acquaintances are ignored in the material and abstract. A goddess of the sea condescends to enter the narrative. Reality is shifted. Racial distinctions are worn on sleeves by the devil's own. And I almost invoke my demise with a suicidal song, but am saved by a hat giving guardian angel.

And Time Can Do So Much (2003.01.03)
Kate returns in physical form to these pages. Perhaps she will return in emotional form as well. Matt is left, but returned for, despite his crazy relations. Kate spurns the advances of boys in New Zealand. Pottery is not made, nor does a spectral Matt seduce me.

Grinches (2003.01.02)
Dave is seen and squid is eaten with hilarious results. I endeavor to adventure. Pornography is seen and dissected as cultural phenomena, also with hilarious results. Christmas is almost ruined, but saved at the last moment by an invisible six-foot rabbit that runs a Savings and Loan (not pictured).

Thomm Quackenbush is an author and teacher in the Hudson Valley. He has published four novels in his Night's Dream series (We Shadows, Danse Macabre, Artificial Gods, and Flies to Wanton Boys). He has sold jewelry in Victorian England, confused children as a mad scientist, filed away more books than anyone has ever read, and tried to inspire the learning disabled and gifted. He is capable of crossing one eye, raising one eyebrow, and once accidentally groped a ghost. When not writing, he can be found biking, hiking the Adirondacks, grazing on snacks at art openings, and keeping a straight face when listening to people tell him they are in touch with 164 species of interstellar beings. He likes when you comment.