Author and Columnist
Sunday, Emily and I were trapped in a deluge of ridiculous people who hated us. It seems something like seven people who hated one or both of us decided separately to come to the faire.
But how can this be? You are both too lovable to have so many enemies.
I'm not sure if I am being sarcastic about that. I do think you may be exaggerating the number or intensity. Who had the energy to hate you much?
I think I could honestly say that, with the exception of a truly psychotic girl I dated briefly, everyone that ever wished me dead was in one square half mile. Huzzah for me!
Who could wish you dead? That is, without a doubt, a dramatic amplification.
I have a suspicion about two of the people you suspected, one of whom was a friend who you felt betrayed you (which is a fair emotion at your age, but it was more adolescent selfishness than intentional malevolence). The other was a pathological woman who needed intensive therapy instead of followers -- something I suspect she never received.
Per the "psychotic high school girlfriend," I know to whom you refer. She was not psychotic. She was brutally traumatized -- which you know perfectly well -- and acting out. She didn't want you dead. She wished you could handle her enough to care about her despite her flailing. She made you too anxious, lied to her parents about you, and insulted you while you sat at dinner with them. You couldn't stay with her without being her pain sponge/feeling you were in a reenactment triangle, but you do a disservice to both you and her by saying this.
By the way, I am fully aware that probably everyone of whom I speak reads the journal more religiously than my supporters do.
I bet they don't. I suspect they are not even aware of your blog. You are not in nearly the spotlight you think you are.
Likewise, I do not know how many supporters you have.
Usually when we are there, we end up playing a game that is not totally a game wherein Emily tells me stories about strangers.
I remember this people-watching fondly still. Emily's cleverness was among her best attributes, and she could spin a story.
while Emily was retrieving some mirrors for our booth, one of the psychics glared at her for a few second and screamed, "The fate of the world is in your hands!" and promptly ignored Emily when she asked for clarification. Emily has little luck with fortunetellers, as they normally refuse to give her readings. Much as she has tried, she has never actually received a tarot reading.
I am unsure if this is a recollection of a thing that happened or another story.
One cannot be around Pagans for long without someone forcibly reading one's cards.
Kate and I had a rather interesting conversation last night covering numerous topics that I am positive will play out in the future. As such, I will transcribe parts here and comment on them.
Ugh. I don't love doing this, but I will comment on your chat.
I am grateful that you initially had a conversation with Kate that is not about your feelings for her. It is mundane and friendly, which is safe ground with her.
Kate (12:18:56 AM): There's going to be too many people living in this goddamn apartment. Have I mentioned that this is a small place? Very small? It is meant for 4 people, 5 tops. 6 people, 3 very stubborn and strong headed (JB, Tina, Chris), and one completely tactless person that is going to not hesitate in always backing up one of the stubborn people (Jeff). Julie and I are going to be hiding in our respective rooms with headphones on and the doors locked.
As far as I recall, all of this happens as Kate predicts. In particular, the description of Jeff as "one completely tactless person that is going to not hesitate in always backing up one of the stubborn people" could not be any more accurate.
I'm not sure what Jeff's appeal was. Given that he spent a year prank-calling your house for no reason -- long after you had no interactions with him -- his charm did not seem to abound. He seemed like a lonely, insecure person who was never far from someone who should have made him feel neither adjective.
Xen (12:20:31 AM): So we can trust you will not be shacking up with others, if only for the sake of your own crumbling sanity? ;-)
Shut up. You have no right to say this. You had been doing so well.
Xen (12:22:26 AM): obviously. In saying "shacking up" I meant a roommate.
You do not. Don't lie to her.
Kate (1:01:34 AM): Last semester Jeff got upset because I said a guy was hot.
Jeff is a weird one. Is he jealous? Did he have feelings for Kate?
Kate (1:02:27 AM): Jess gives me lectures on birth control and they both inspect every boy I talk to and give me their approval or disapproval of whether or not he'd be good to me.
Jess also encouraged Kate to party, so this is an odd turnabout.
Kate is not nearly as out of control as they seem to be treating her.
Kate (1:20:25 AM): That's just it, I don't impose on him. I'm not the kind of person who gets too drunk to take care of myself and then my friends have to take care of me, or something like that. If I were, I would understand the concern.
I agree with Kate. You may not, but she tends to be in control of her behavior in college. She was a bit unbalanced when she was fifteen, but not at twenty.
Kate (1:22:15 AM): It may be as hard for you to understand as for Stevehen to understand, but right now I believe in being a college student.
I've been saying this!
I tried to explain to Stevehen that you wouldn't corrupt someone else, but he was emotional.
Ah, I see. Stevehen was worried Kate would turn Tina into a *college student* as well, so he thought he could parent her into being a Good Girl.
A tiny part of me gloats that, after Kate broke up with you, Stevehen took her secret and told you to leave her be to being wild. She was the same Kate then as now, only it suddenly occurred to him that makes her a threat to his happiness.
He will brutally and repeatedly cheat on her in a couple of years, so Tina did not seem to be the more corruptible one.
Kate (1:23:20 AM): I have too much energy, too much rage and too much emotion to be anything but a little fucked up now and then
The girl does have self-awareness when she wishes.
Xen (1:23:51 AM): Why in gods name are you bringing me into this? I know you are a college student. I am not and I don't wish to be on your path. But it is YOURS.
Xen (1:24:12 AM): Whatever reasons you have to tell yourself. You don't need to justify yourself to me.
Kate said this because she thinks better when she writes, and you are a parental figure with whom she can have this conversation. She loves you. She surely does not love Stevehen.
I am aware this hurts your feelings as you think Kate is admonishing you. This is not her intention.
Xen (1:28:18 AM): Do not tell me how I feel. My girlfriend in not living with you I cannot relate to Stevehen's point of view. But I can see it as I could judge a characters motivation. For all your purported open-mindedness, you are not impressing me in this conversation. You do not know how I feel just as I don't know how you feel. We have been apart for months and a lot has changed for both of us.
Ugh. I hate this look on you. Don't fight with Kate about this. She says things she means, but her phrasing is not in a way you can process accurately.
You persist in trying to fetter a young woman who reacts disproportionately against anything that even lightly touches her wrist or ankle.
She's doing okay. I promise. To my knowledge, Kate never comes to particular harm in college. Her Philmont misadventure might be the worst of it.
I would prefer you not share your conversations like this again, though I suspect you will. Kate is not talking with you under the expectation that you will directly cite her.