The original entry

I plan on making up for it by trying to work at one of the state parks during the summer (I've never been off this coast, I need to travel).

You wanted to do what? When did you decide this? You certainly do not seem to have put any energy into making this happen, so I don't know why you are telling Dave this.

Is it because you think this is what Kate would do and, as much as you resent it, you want to be brave and adventurous like her?

So, Kate is currently in London, watching as many plays as she can for free and getting three credits. This is one of the reasons I wish I had realized I wanted to travel sooner. Not so much because Kate is there (though that certainly helps) but that she is having a potentially amazing experience.

Yes. There it is. You want to show Kate up by having experiences, but you don't. Your anxiety trumps that time and again, extinguishing your opportunities.

I cannot fault wanting to have a better life out of spite, though. I wish you had done more to achieve that.

I told Katie about a month ago that I had found someone who could make me happy (after the break up, she told me she wanted me to find someone who mad me very happy). She guessed a recent acquaintance of mine and I quietly informed her that, no, it was Kate.

You are awful. I wish you wouldn't say these things in general, but especially to Kate.

She does tell you this again in a few months, with less fire behind it. You start dating someone else. She becomes jealous, which potentially contributes to your not leaving that relationship.

Your use of spite is inexact.

And I had no interest in dating anyone else, because I had tried it and realized how empty I find dating. She hugged me and cried.

You should have dated. It didn't need to be serious, though you have this righteous stick up your ass that every kiss needs to be meaningful. You passed by the adventure of other women because you wouldn't leave the familiarity of a woman who left you behind.

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Thomm Quackenbush is an author and teacher in the Hudson Valley. He has published four novels in his Night's Dream series (We Shadows, Danse Macabre, Artificial Gods, and Flies to Wanton Boys). He has sold jewelry in Victorian England, confused children as a mad scientist, filed away more books than anyone has ever read, and tried to inspire the learning disabled and gifted. He is capable of crossing one eye, raising one eyebrow, and once accidentally groped a ghost. When not writing, he can be found biking, hiking the Adirondacks, grazing on snacks at art openings, and keeping a straight face when listening to people tell him they are in touch with 164 species of interstellar beings. He likes when you comment.