by Stevehen J. Warren

For the last few months visitors to this site may have come upon my column Justify Your Crap. In this mockery to English grammar, I point out the movies that influence the fit of rage that follows me in my everyday life. Occasionally a creative force behind one of these films steps up to the plate and defends their work. The results are sometimes shocking and always entertaining.

Our first subject is the wonderfully talented DJ Perry, one of the minds behind and stars of the majestically odd Knight Chills. Before we begin everybody needs to roll a constitution check, okay we passed, let's roll.

1. Role Players are not exactly the most threatening people in the world. A strong gust of wind or a donut shop and they will leave well enough alone. That said, what made you chose role playing for the subject of a horror movie?

   I'm a Dungeon & Dragons nerd at heart. I grew up in the TSR craze when mothers everywhere feared that the game caused insanity and demonic possession. They also say write what you know and so we took a gamble on making a film that was a "Dazed & Confused" look back at our early youth.

2. What is the strangest fan reaction you've gotten from this film?

   I had a group of people from Ohio tell me that they recite the "Zac Pledge To Weed" at their gatherings. That is pretty cool.

3. I have an enormous amount of money under my mattress. In five sentences, tell me why I should buy Knight Chills.

   The roleplaying will take people back to those gaming days, and flashbacks of Tom Hank's classic MAZES & MONSTERS, the D&D cartoon and E.T.. Laura Tidwell who played my girlfriend Brooke is HOT! Seven foot tall black knights stalking and killing is cool. Did I say Laura Tidwell is HOT? Cool car explosion with person burning up inside. Okay...that was morbid. Hanee and Russell are pretty funny in the film.

4. Unfortunately, during the making of Knight Chills, a staff member breaks his leg on a discarded ham sandwich. The following legal proceeding cuts your budget in half. What do you take out of the film?

   We already were shooting on a shoe-string budget. Hmmm ham sandwich... Sir Kallio the black knight would have had to just walk around. We would have to cut DOC the war horse.

5. You are filming the final scene of your film, when your lead actor's head rolls off his body and spins clockwise on the ground as it begins to translate Robert's Rules of Order in Spanish. What are the first four words out of your mouth?

   Ain't that a bitch!

6. You've established yourself as a filmmaker and probably have heard your share of horrible movie pitches. What's the worst idea you've ever heard?

   I have one! Radioactive lizards that take over a tropical beach resort. I had to listen to a 2 hour pitch and try not to laugh because it was very funny. He was very serious about it as an action picture.

7. If you sit back in your chair and hum, what song plays in your head while watching Knight Chills?

   The theme song from "Hong Kong Phooey!"

8. You find yourself locked in a room with your biggest critic. Is your weapon of choice a pipe, a piece of rope, or a candlestick?

   I'll go for the pipe. I do have player haters who in sucka fashion just run their mouths via the message posts or emails. I would have to give them the JAY and SILENT BOB treatment!

9. What's worse, a poorly planned sequel or a bad remake?

   A poorly planned sequel. "Conan The Destroyer" was NO "Conan The Barbarian!"

10. Knowing how I dismantle every single film thrown my way, are there any movies that you've done which you intend to keep out of my reach?

    I want to see what your take is on FROM VENUS a SciFi horror spoof coming out soon by Brain Damage Films. They are also putting out special editions of KNIGHT CHILLS and IN THE WOODS sometime before 6/15/05 on home video.

11. What's the worst movie ever conceived by the human mind?

    The Dungeon & Dragons movie was conceived by non-role playing idiots who missed everything good about the genre. I wish I had their budget of 35 mil.