Well, that's not great

I was excited when learning that BzzAgent would be sending me four jars of salsa for a review. Every summer when we are not amid a pandemic, I delight in sampling a variety of increasingly spicy hot sauces and, more than that, subjecting my friends to these. Often in this circumstance, BzzAgent sends coupons and allows me to do the footwork of finding the product at my local grocery store. In preparation, I checked to see if my local store carried these and was pleased that they were. (I had a coupon for a free box of Waterloo seltzer months ago, and the only place that carried it was thirty miles away.)

Maybe a few more layers

But no. BzzAgent sent the glass bottles of salsa in a cardboard box. (You can guess where this is going.) There was a significant problem with the delivery. One -- and only one -- of the bottles, Chipotle Salsa Cremosa, arrived intact. Another -- Cilantro Lime -- was open and had leaked. These lids are not made to contain semi-solids securely, but I'm not being asked to review bottle design. There is more than enough Cilantro Lime to sample (it has been cold enough here that I am not too concerned about spoilage). Guacamole Salsa and Roasted Poblano Salsa Cremosa were nothing but glass and goo, so much so that my wife -- who opened the box -- assumed there was only one bottle there. On the plus side, when I tentatively tasted my green-covered fingers for the sake of authenticity while disposing of the remains. They tasted great: tangy and a bit sweet with a spicy aftertaste that did not bother my usually heat-averse wife. Now, if we were tasting the Guacamole, Roasted Poblano, or a bit of the Cilantro Lime is anyone's guess. Maybe a melange of all three at once, which I can recommend trying if you have a similar excuse. I asked BzzAgent what they would like me to do here, to review what I (for the most part) received or wait for a new shipment where all the bottles were intact or, at least, different ones were broken. They opted for the former.

Probably still good?

Herdez claims that they are the number one salsa brand in Mexico. That is quite the boast, and I do not know which Mexicans were surveyed for this -- it's a big country -- but my first issue was one of definition. To me, this is not salsa. Salsa has chunks of vegetables, while Herdez salsas are more of what I would call a sauce. Aside from some speckles, it is a homologous substance, more like a salad dressing in composition. Not a liquid, but not thick. A Mexican version of ranch dressing. The materials BzzAgent sent showed it being drizzled over a salad with appetizing slices of avocado; I might consider sampling a new chocolate syrup if delivered this way.

Appetizing?

Pouring some of it in a bowl to try with tortilla chips was disappointing.

I began with the Cilantro Lime, honestly wanting to get this over with. I am not the greatest fan of cilantro as a rule -- reduce it to a flavoring rather than a plant and ideally mix it sufficiently, I can pretend that I don't notice it -- and being served this way did not improve the situation. It tasted authentically of cilantro, which is to say, it tasted to me like soapy grass clippings. I did not taste much lime, but I felt a slight (but not unpleasant) acidic tang once the cilantro faded. If I were to describe the flavor of the Cilantro Lime in two words, they would be "aggressively green."

I next dipped a chip into the Chipotle Salsa Cremosa. I've always liked chipotle (the flavor, not the restaurant, though I could be convinced if they want to send over a coupon or two). It has a rich, smoky tang and a satisfactory level of heat. I even have a chipotle mayonnaise that I put on turkey sandwiches. (I may be vanilla, but I am the sort of vanilla with dark flecks of authenticity.) Chipotle Salsa Cremosa lives up to my assumption for something made of chipotle, tasting disappointinglike a slightly discount version of the small-batch, handmade hot sauce I sample at the county fair. If I had a craving for that flavor after I emptied my hot sauce on a spicy January night, I might buy Herdez Chipotle Salsa Cremosa to tide me over.

Which would you most want in your mouth?

I decided that just a tortilla chip was not the fair way to judge these salsas, so I went to the most American of all Mexican foods I could prepare at home: tacos. As you see, I put Cilantro Lime on one (unappealing color contrast), Chipotle Salsa Cremosa on the other, and then used actual salsa for the third as a control. The taco meat cut the greenness of the cilantro, but I could still taste it. I did not ruin the taco, but it didn't help it. The Chipotle Salsa Cremosa fared better, adding a kick of heat and a mild, smokey flavor to the taco. And, of course, the control tastes lovely and helped wash down the taste of the cilantro, which lingered through the Chipotle Salsa Cremosa taco.

Of the ones that broke in the box, I am most sorry that I did not get to sample and review the Guacamole Salsa. I am always a fan of avocados, and it is hard to go too wrong with guacamole -- not that I haven't been in the presence of guacamole full of chia seeds and underripe carrots, but it is rarer.

If Mexican salad dressing or a middling hot sauce replacement is what one is looking for, you might be pleased by Herdez. Taken as salsa, it is underwhelming.