Zack was born and grew up in Beacon, NY, the middle of five children, all brothers. There are some who claim Zack is the product of genetic experimentation between a school teacher and a sculpture. By all logic and reckoning, he should therefore be functionless lump of clay with a few thumb prints in the shape of a Z. Despite this, he sings, he dances, he acts like he was born to do it. This is something of a boon, as the stage in the mistress to whom he is most loyal.

Entirely coincidentally, he has also been a construction worker and waiter. He is not a cliché, don't bother suggesting it. He moved from New York to Indiana to make it big on the stage. That is the least cliché possible.

He loves so fiercely that he uses all of his heart and much of his spleen in the effort. For a long time, whether they were together or no, the main focus of this splenic ardor was Cristin, though he told her in 2010 that he doesn't love her and they parted ways.

He is a good friend to all animals, except jende conures.

He currently lived in Indiana, where he works and occasionally acts in a theater. We are not sure Indiana is the best place to act, though it is said that if you can make it there, you can make it in Virginia. And if you can make it in Virginia, you can make it anywhere. He owns (or is owned by) four dogs, one wife, and zero cars.

Zack met Xen when they both attended Beacon High School. Despite the Zack's brother ostensibly stealing a part from Xen's then best friend, they got on well. Even and especially when Zack tended to get the starring role in the rest of the drama productions Xen witnessed.

Zack spent from 1999-2002 having near constant breakups with Veronica. Once he finally relinquished her to the sea of life, he seemed to move from one girl to the next, never really finding what he was looking for. He even had a one-night stand with Kei. (Twice, which really should make it a two-night stand, but we won't argue semantics.) Finally, he found Cristin. This is not to say he stayed with her, as noted above, despite a month long road trip, moving into a house together (twice!), and getting a dog.

He also pens bittersweet, evocative love songs which he has theoretically played in bands with Dezi, Emily, Dan, or Lauren. Not at the same time, however, and he is no longer in contact with any of the above, to their occasional annoyance.

He briefly wrote an advice column called Ask Zack.

Vital Statistics

Known Aliases: The Illustrious Mr. Joyce, "Z?", Slowpoke, Each Crazy Anal Joy

Birthday: November 5, 1981

Zodiac: Scorpio

Height: 5'6" though nearly 5'6.5" when proud

Eyes: Hazel, the sort that was oft used by crones in potions to render princes amphibious

Hair: hamster to chinchilla length brunette

Spiritual Path/Religion: Peripateticism

Quotes: "But ya Hona, I wuz jist sayin'!"
"If I were god, Bjork would be my bitch."<

Divine Dominion Over: stages, hair, accents, pizza

Future Profession: Busker

Current Profession: Ticket ripper.

Weakness(es): hipster girls, expensive guitars, dawn, hubris.

Superpower: Invisibility

Similar to: Roger from RENT, Dr. Gonzo, Troy from Reality Bites