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    Stevehen

    Stevehen

    Stevehen was an altar boy while until he said he discovered that Catholicism was a crock. No priestly tomfoolery has been suggested - at least not on him, though reportedly a fellow altar boy was not so lucky - but it may be a tender subject to bring up. He is not lacking in sodomy references under the best of circumstances.

    He went to Poughkeepsie High School, the student body of which was felt to make people's lives difficult if they did not come from minority backgrounds. As "Atlanean" is not a box one can check on the census box, Stevehen was considered whiter than mayonnaise. He kept his head down and managed to make it out of there with only crippling psychological scars. In all likelihood, no one would have noticed he wasn't a minority, as there is only one Stevehen in the world, at least until the End Time are more fully upon us.

    Stevehen is a radical disbeliever, a proselytizing Doubting Thomas. Everything you know is wrong, especially if you think that everything you know is wrong. There are no ghosts, no gods, no UFOs, no psychic powers. This doesn't stop him from trying to guess the next card in a deck for tens of minutes, but it does allow him the excuse why he cannot.

    Stevehen initially appeared in the story when he was dating a girl who was far too serious for him. Xen and Stevehen bonded more so when he made the better choice of no longer dating her, moving on to Tina. He seemed relatively happy with her until 2005, when Xen foolishly introduced him to Melissa. The two began a short affair that resulted in Stevehen temporarily forsaking the Hudson Valley for Massachusetts. Eventually, he came back and actually dated Melissa in earnest. This persisted until 2008/2009 (we are a bit fuzzy on the exact details of the breakup). After a brief period of mutual enmity and hurt feeling, they became friends again. Then they became mortal enemies again, but for good reasons (Melissa, still not quite well, tried to get back together with him. He was vaguely interested until a mutual World of Warcraft friend talked him out of it. Then she launched a stream of vitriol that could sink a thousand ships). He is not available for cuddles and is not interested in women right now. He again left the Hudson Valley, again for Hull, Massachusetts, in order to start a fresh life in 2010.

    It might be easier to list who he doesn't get along with, as far as we know: Cristin, Zack, Emily, Dives Dives, and probably you.

    Stevehen wrote In America and Justify Your Crap, as well as having conducted a few interviews for Poked with a Stick.


      Vital Statistics

      Known Aliases: Stev, Steve, Aquaman

      Birthday: November 20, 1979

      Zodiac: Scorpio

      Height: 5'11", 6' with his hair gelled up

      Eyes: Green, like envy and sea monsters

      Hair: Stolen from various members of Weezer

      Spiritual Path/Religion: Occult Atheism

      Quotes: "WELL HOW DO YA KNOW?! ARE YOU PSYCHIC?!!!"
      "I love you more than an adult diaper can hold."

      Divine Dominion Over: Superman, Weezer, seven foot tall invisible rabbits, Mogwai Laundromats

      Best advice: "Marvel is evil."

      Future Profession: Destroyer of the Superman franchise or hobo

      Current Profession: To be determined in Hull.

      Best Quality: How utterly humble he is. Also, sarcasm.

      Weakness(es): Driving (he never learned how)

      Superpower: making a very vivid world out of a few well chosen words

      Similar to: Waldorf, Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons


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